Weird title. I know. Humor me for a moment, though.
I recently took my daughter to see Frozen 2 — the epic, long-awaited sequel to one of Disney’s arguably most blockbuster originals. I was prepared for the beautiful animation and the amazing soundtrack (go download it, by the way!), but I was unprepared for how much I would love some of the dialogue. And, how it would get me thinking about our relationships with others.
Without spoiling too much, there is a particular scene where Kristoff, Anna’s love interest and male lead in the movie, is rushing to Anna’s aid in a moment of crisis. I must admit, my independent enneagram 8 spirit was screaming inside, “Don’t do it, Disney! Don’t make him have to save her and belittle the work she’s doing!” I know, I know. I’m ridiculous.
But, no… instead of shoving Anna “heroically” behind him, Kristoff scoops her up onto his reindeer and simply says, “I’m here. What do you need?” Mind. Blown. It was the perfect display of genuine support and showing up when his person needed him.
It got me thinking of our own relationships, friendship or otherwise and whether we are actually showing up in the same way. Or, do we show up and take over and try to “save” the other person? I’ve been guilty of wanting to save people way too many times. See a problem, offer a solution, or even just step right in and take over. (Another hazard of the 8-ness in me… sigh.)
What if we stopped in the moment instead and simply uttered that same phrase, “I’m here. What do you need?” This simple question allows the people in our lives to express what they actually need in that moment and gives the opportunity for us to show up and simply offer support. There is strength in that on both sides of the equation. It allows for vulnerability and depth and meeting people in the middle of their junk, without trying to force a solution or immediately save the day.
As Ben and I have talked about before, much of the time we really need to go through something instead of around it or over it, in order to overcome it. And, “through” requires support, which requires transparency and vulnerability. So, as we lean into the important relationships in our lives, maybe we can start to re-frame our savior complexes and instead just say, “I’m here. What do you need.”
To all of you reading this that are my people in my inner cirlce… don’t be surprised if I simply text you one of these days…. IHWDYN.
The 2 in me feels this to the core – in a different way, somewhat. But still, this was beautifully written and poignant and definitely what I needed to read right now, Kate.
You are a gracious and loving human with such a huge heart. I know I’m blessed when you step in and ask how you can be here for me. You are unlike many in this world – you offer a give-and-take approach to being there for someone, rather than take advantage of my 2-ness (ha!) and utilize my willingness to be there for me. I’m always grateful, even if you do slip and let your take-over side speak – because you’re always speaking truth when I need it most.
Love you girl. Keep up the amazing blog entries, because you are an inspiring and beautiful human being, inside and out.
You are a treasure, my friend. Thank you! ILY